Crushed

Today I found myself standing in the kitchen feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack and David asks me if I'm going to pass out again like last time. Of course my instinct was to say no, that I would be fine. But I wasn't feeling fine. I told him I was probably ok, but just in case, he should call 911 if I pass out. I wrote down our address for him in case he should have to actually call an ambulance. He said OK, phone at the ready, set his lips in a firm line and watched me closely, intent on doing his job well. Then I called my husband to come take me in to the ER. Zachariah pulled up within a couple minutes and David breathed a sigh of relief. Then the little stinker says, "Dang it, I really wanted to call 911." Turns out that was not a sigh of relief, that was the sound of a little boy's dream being crushed.

I was talking to the snail

In the time since my last post, our family has moved to a new house, gotten bronchitis, lost a fingertip and had it sewn back on, flushed a couple fish, spent a few days in the hospital and been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, started a new college semester for pre-nursing and pre-dental, spent the night at the science museum, had a few haircuts, rode on a train, blown 2 tires and a fuel pump, had said parts replaced,  started a new job, attended some BBQ's and threw one of our own with some of our besties for the fourth, been bitten by a spider and have managed to keep all our marbles because we have each other. Through thick and thin, and crazy, we live with each other, laugh with each other, and love each other. This is what makes life worth every agonizingly wonderful second. My husband and kids are the best part of it all.

Just as I finished writing this up, Deacon sat in his Daddy's lap watching our snail creep slowly over the glass of his tank and declared, "I LOVE you." So Dad says "I love you too, Deacon", to which Deacon responded "I was talking to the snail! But I love you too Dad." This is the stuff. I love my life.

Gratitude

Everywhere in the world, people suffer. Heartache, loss, pain, loneliness, violence and horror even. Here in America, the most horrific pains of humanity are kept quiet or are too far away to feel real. But every great once in a while, someone close to you feels a kind of pain you will never know, or tragedy strikes a little closer to you on the globe and it is at these times I am humbled and grateful for my own troubles. This week, our dear friends from Washington Victor and Rhonda Beattie lost their only son, Cliff. He was a soldier in the United States Army, and was killed by a roadside bomb in Baghdad. My heart aches for them, but I know that this emotion does not even come close to what they must be feeling.

Last night, a terrible series of tornadoes tore through Oklahoma. Only nine counties in the state were not declared to be under a state of emergency. Lives have been lost, more to be found I'm sure, but one particular story saddens me. A family took shelter in a building, but the building was obliterated and for a little while, the children were missing. They found the 5 year old alive, but the 15 month old died and the 3 year old is still missing. While I was watching the storm through my dining room window and hoping the hail wouldn't break the glass on our vehicle, just to the south, a mother found out that her baby was dead and that her other little one was missing. I should have been on my knees praying that those in the tornado's path would be kept safe.

I am so grateful for my bills and dirty laundry. For endless trips to the grocery store, for my naughty doggies, and for messes to clean up. I am grateful for the sweet hugs my children give me, for their happy faces and even for their whining. I am grateful to have a hardworking husband, even if it means he works too hard. I am grateful for all the things I usually take for granted, when there are people suffering so greatly in places I will never see, suffering in ways I will never know. What makes me so special that I am here worrying over such trivial things, while others bear their burdens with humility and enduring love. I'm sure I'll never understand it, but I can only hope to be more humble and prayerful. Somewhere out there, someone is suffering much greater than I. For the neighbor who's troubles I know not, for a friend who lost a loved one, for the stranger who just cut me off in the street, for the woman in another country who is being punished for no crime at all, for the small hungry child in the small village in that small part of the world.... I pray.  

Nationwide is on your siiiiiiiiiide!

Zachariah worked and went to class all day and all night this week. So, being a single mom this week was kinda difficult, but tonight the kids topped it all off by singing "Nationwide is on your siiiiiiide!" ALL NIGHT LONG. Why is it I say a hundred times a week in a sing-songy voice, "No feet where we eat!" or sing "We are a happy family" or "Clean up, clean up..."  they look at me like "What???" But they hear one little ditty on a commercial maybe twice and it becomes their new theme song? Speaking of theme songs, Daniel has picked up an adorable new habit. Each time he does something great, he makes sound effects, like his very own theme song. It cracks me up. The things he does that merit his action hero theme songs aren't even major feats of strength or extreme intelligence. He will look for his underwear and when he finds it, he puts it on and declares "Duh-nana!!! Doo de doo! Kkkkpoooowwwwsshh!" That last part is the explosion. He is going to do great things someday. 

Here is some of the things we did this week...

Zachariah's second week of P90x

            (Daniel and Deacon love working out with Daddy.)

 Ava's talent show at school...

She sang "Too Cool for You" from Camp Rock.

The zoo....

(An older pic from a zoo trip, but one of my favorites. Deacon kisses everything, especially sea lions.)

And because I slacked off and had fun with the kids this week, piles of laundry....

Movies all morning in our jammies because it was pouring rain outside... it just seemed like the right thing to do. It was kinda early and still dark outside, so they pretended to be sleeping.

And....... .swimming at the YMCA.

Good times had by all.

My Little Sinner

I took the boys to the zoo today and about an hour into it, I could tell that Deacon was going to be trouble. Even more trouble than usual, which is an already astounding amount of trouble for any 4 and a half year old boy. So I pulled out the oldest and least effective trick in the book... alas it was the only trick in my book at the moment as it had already been quite a long day. Bribery.

I told the boys that if they would behave sweetly while we were at the zoo and not wander off, I would get them an ice cream cone before we left. Another hour later, despite his best efforts, Deacon was really beginning to give me a  run for my money. By the time we got to the indoor aquariums, I had to remind him that if he kept it up, he would lose his treat. He turned a corner and when I rounded it a few moments later, he was kneeling on the floor next to a large air vent in the wall that was covered by a metal grate. To be honest, it did look a bit like the screen in a confessional. He knelt there for a moment, eyes closed, mumbling in a quiet voice and hands sweetly pressed together at his nose in prayer, as I tried to comprehend what on earth he was up to. When I asked "Deacon, what are you doing?", he popped up, smiled angelically and said, "I'm ready for my ice cream now!"

Where does he get this stuff?! Heaven help us.

Tending the Gardners

I recently attended Time Out for Women for the first time. Wow, what an experience! The focus of this year's conference was "Choose to Become"... your greatest self. Take a leap of faith, forget your fears and just be what you have always wanted to be, do what you have always wanted to do. For me, this means loving my God, my family, and myself..... more.

For starters, I am beginning this blogging journey so my kids will always have a record of these crazy wonderful years. 

One of the speakers I was privileged to hear this weekend, Emily Watts, compared children to little carrot seeds. She said, when a carrot seed sprouts out of the ground, you do not chasten it for not having all of its leaves, or not yet reaching its full size or color. You simply water it, stand back and watch in wonderment at the process of this carrot growing into what it was always meant to become... .a carrot. I am truly blessed to be entrusted with my special little seedlings and all four of them are uniquely amazing. God must have thought a lot of me for giving me such wonderful challenges. Ava, David, Daniel and Deacon.... this is for you.